Love in the Age of Trump

Millennials Working for Trump Administration are Undateable

Love in the Age of TrumpDating in Trump’s America seems to be getting more complicated with the potential dating pool being cut in half.

In a feature piece on the cover of Politico magazine, written by Ben Schrekinger and Daniel Lippman, the pair interviewed over 30 Millennials who are, or were working as White House staff. The duo not only found that liberals are opposed to dating across party lines, but if you work in the Trump administration, expect to get an unpleasant earful before someone swipes left to ghost you, and they will.

The story, Young Trumpies Hit D.C….And D.C. Hits them Right Back went viral, and it was of no surprise to me.

I’ve been writing about the collision of love and politics for several years, and as an online dating expert and relationship coach, I’ve heard the woes from singles, with politics being the biggest deal-breaker today. As each day goes on, the anger continues to grow among singles.

In the Politico piece, they reveal that young staffers are rationing their information flow when meeting a potential date; meaning they hold off on having “the talk” to avoid an early confrontation.

“I’ve still been able to hook up with women,” says a male former White House staffer. “But I know that I need to be careful about broaching the Trump stuff. I just know that going in, I need to be able to get it out at the right time and not get it out too early to the point where it’s like, ‘Hey, I worked for Trump, you should stop talking to me,’ but late enough in that eventually they know that there is this information floating out there that I worked for this guy and hopefully you have now seen that I’m not a horrible person and we can go further with this.”

But are liberals giving White House staffers or even any former employees of Trump a chance?

RELATED: Dating Sites Weigh in on Politics

Not at all. Even on my Facebook page, when I ask for opinions on dating in the age of Trump, and if singles would consider dating across party lines, it results in friends of mine posting hate comments to other friends of mine, with some even unfriending me because I posted the question.

In my upcoming book, “Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships,” I spent two years interviewing singles on their attitudes about the intersection of politics and love. The results have gotten more divisive as time goes on.

When we’re living in a time where we’re watching children ripped away from their parents and the possibility of women’s rights going backward, it’s hard for people to be quiet. The issues about humanity have become life-or-death. I applaud OkCupid’s partnership with the ACLU, and have the “Right to Love” badge proudly featured on my profile.

Will this trend lead to the death of romance? Not for a minute. Politics is front and center, and perhaps it took someone like Donald Trump for all of us to look at what’s important to us, and to choose a partner that feels the same way.

Follow @LoveAgeintheAgeofTrump on Facebook and Instagram.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the author up the upcoming book, Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships, and as a political dating expert she’s been coaching on how to singles navigate the challenging waters while dating in the Trump era.

Dating Sites Weigh in on Politics


If you’re wondering if dating has gotten complicated since the election, you’re absolutely right.

It’s been one-year since Donald Trump took office, and singles are still dealing with the big political elephant in the room, our commander-in-chief and his tweets.

During the election, and in the aftermath since Trump became president, talking about politics has become critical when dating someone new, and to those within their existing relationships.

I recently wrote an essay, Can Love Survive Trump, where I revealed my big confession on how I struggled in my relationship with my long-term love. He had strong and vocal opposing views from mine when it came to politics.

As a dating coach, I believe I provide good dating advice on how to navigate the singles scene, even with politically opposite views. I also really believe in having a good debate. While coaching others on how to talk about politics on a date, I found I didn’t take my advice and kept silent about my complicated relationship status. I now feel liberated, and continue to coach and write about the great political divide.

Politics has become so divisive in dating, that conversations that start at the breakfast table end up on opposite sides in the bedroom. They often no longer include, “Sweet dreams” and a hug.

When one person walks in the Women’s March wearing a pink hat, and the other is jumping for joy about the new tax reform, it’s clear that talking about differing political views need to happen on the first date, if not sooner.

Dating Sites Weigh In

In a Match Singles in America study, they showed that talking about politics on a first date will result in a 91% chance of putting the second one on the calendar.

OkCupid found that 50% of its users won’t date someone with opposing political views. The site also found that users mentioning political words in their profiles increased by more than 1000% from 2015 to 2017.

OkCupid Trump

The site, known for asking provocative questions, has 19 questions about politics. “Trump?” received the most answers, with 74% responding “hell no” and only 4% answering “hell yes.” The most answered question was “Should guns be allowed in schools?” The most polarizing question is, “Did Russia hack the last US election?”

Mobile dating app profiles now include political terms, or instructions to “swipe left if you vote for Trump,” or “swipe right if you think Trump’s making America great again.”

Tinder Politics Dating Deal Breakers

Tinder states that 71% of their users won’t date a Trump supporter. Their Modern Dating Myths, released in April of 2017 showed, “Opposing political views were getting more left swipes.” Nine out of 10 of my dating coaching clients said that having similar political views with their dates are important to them.

Coffee Meets Bagel tells me their poll of 1320 members showed that the majority, 70%, who are Democrats said politics was impacting their dating lives, as compared to 43% of Republican singles.

Plenty of Fish conducted several surveys on politics and dating in 2016 and 2016 and offered some promising news.

POF found while the current political climate is tense, it’s starting to lighten up. They found that less than 1% of singles used the terms “Trump” or “Republican” or “Democrat” in their profiles. They also said that 90% of people had not broken up with someone over political views or party affiliation since the election and recommended not talking about politics on a first date.

Experts Weigh in on Trump and Politics

I spoke with Dr. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and Chief Science Officer at Match, who said, “If singles feel very strongly about their political views, they should add it to their profiles.”

CNN Political Contributor and KABC Radio co-host John Phillips agrees with Fisher. “If both people are passionate and care about politics a great deal, it could be a problem,” said Fisher. “But then the relationship is probably doomed anyway.”

Dr. Fisher’s research indicates that people gravitate towards people who share their values. “For couples who are polar opposite politically, they just have to agree to disagree and find a way to respect each other,” Fisher said.

“People are going to stay strong in their positions because we aren’t talking about how you butter your toast,” said Fisher. “Things with the Dreamers and the immigrants is real and taps into basic values.”

Deal breakers for singles used to include height, smoking, and religion. They’ve been replaced with politics as a top deal breaker, with singles feeling more comfortable dating someone with same political views.

Phillips, who identifies as Republican, tells me that politics is more critical than ever in today’s dating world. “It’s more important than it used to be because the news has essentially become one endless talk show about politics,” said Phillips.

He believes politically charged opposite couples can co-exist in Trump’s America. “If Dodger fans can date Giants fans without the relationship ending in a 911 call, Trump and Clinton supporters can co-exist without domestic violence,” Phillips said.

Are we heading to a point where we can agree to disagree over an appetizer and enjoy crème brûlée for dessert? I sure hope so.

“There used to be water cooler topics. Now there’s one water cooler topic: politics,” adds Phillips.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the author up the upcoming book, Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships, and as a political dating expert she’s been coaching on how to singles navigate the challenging waters while dating in the Trump era.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

Online Dating: Love Trumps Politics

Last year, I believe Donald Trump hijacked Valentine’s Day.

This year, I’m relieved love is rising back to the top of the dating totem pole.

In 2017, with the Inauguration Day and Valentine’s Day less than a month apart, the results of the Electoral College vote permeated the bedroom, as well as surfaced in heated rants on social media, dividing friendships and romantic partners.

As a dating coach and love expert, the news media mostly wanted to talk to me about politics over love.

To say love got kicked to the curb by Donald Trump last year is an understatement, but our country was hurting, and relationships suffered.

I spend my days coaching singles and hearing about their attitudes on politics and dating. I’ve now taken the task of becoming a political dating expert, to help singles find their place where politics has taken center stage.

I’m happy to report I’ve noticed a shift since the new year where singles have been less interested in mentioning politics on their profiles in 2018.

In a previous Match Singles in America Survey from 2016, the dating site found 91% of singles had a better chance of getting to a second date if they mentioned politics on the first date.

With mobile dating profiles filled with text including, ‘Swipe left if you believe in all things Trump,’ to ‘Swipe Right if you think Trump is making America Great Again,’ the sentiments were strong with politics becoming one of the top deal-breakers for singles.

I spoke with Angela Hart, political writer for the Sacramento Bee on the effects of politics and love. Her piece, How Donald Trump is Killing Romance drew harsh criticism from Sean Hannity, who was apparently stunned that singles didn’t want to date a Trump supporter during one of his radio shows.

I even posted my heartfelt and emotional essays, Can True Love Endure Donald Trump and Love and Loss in the Age of Trump, where I painfully expressed how even the best relationships were getting tested due to conflicting political attitudes and views, including mine.

Now, I’m pleased to share the Match Singles in America Survey, of dating habits from 2017, just released for the 2018 Valentine’s season.

The survey shows things have lightened up for daters in the divisive political arena we’ve been living in.

In a section of the survey titled, “The Trump Effect” the Match results showed that singles put love first, ahead of our combative political climate.

Single Daters Will Now Date Across Party Lines

Match’s report showed that an overwhelming majority of singles (72%) would be willing to cross party lines with their date, with only 10% believing dating a Republican is a deal breaker and 5% saying they wouldn’t date a Democrat.

The survey, released just two days after Trump’s State of the Union address, shows singles are willing to be open to a different political point of view, with 45% saying they would try to understand the other’s perspective.

While politics was such a hot dating topic during the election year, 26% of singles in the survey said they’d change the subject if it came up on a date.

Does this mean the topic of politics is off the table for singles? Not at all. In the survey, 54% of singles think it’s important to find out their date’s political views, but the days of walking out on a date are gone, with only 5% admitting they would leave immediately.

It’s refreshing news for those seeking love and romance, and I couldn’t be happier.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the author up the upcoming book, Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships, and as a political dating expert she’s been coaching on how to singles navigate the challenging waters while dating in the Trump era.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

Dating a Trump Supporter Ranks Lower Than Having Bad Sex

I’m a believer in truth-in-advertising, and as I said in my essay, Can Love Survive Trump, the challenges of dating in Trump’s America have been painful, and have resulted in reducing the dating pool by 50% for those with strong opinions on either side of the political spectrum.

This new survey of 2,000 singles in the U.S. conducted by online dating site Plenty of Fish shows that people are living and dating by their beliefs.
When I read the study, which claims that 34% of singles would rather have bad sex for the rest of their life than date a Trump supporter, I quickly realized this heated subject isn’t slowing down. Our commander-in-chief still affects the way singles select their dates online.

The Conversation survey breaks it down further and states:

59% of singles won’t start talking to someone whose dating profile promotes a different political opinion.
52% of Republicans and 65% of Democrats won’t start a conversation with a political opposite.
84% of singles find it’s best to openly discuss their divided views with their partner.

I asked POF’s Conversation Expert Celeste Headlee to weigh in and elaborate on these findings in the Conversation Nation 2018 study, to help answer questions that my dating coaching clients always ask.

Julie: Should singles post their political opinions in their dating profiles?

Celeste: It may not be a good idea to put your politics on your profile. As we can see, many people make quick decisions about dating based on political issues, and it’s much better (and less likely to cause friction) if you talk about them face-to-face.

Julie: When should someone bring up politics? Before a first date? In their profile? On the first date?

Celeste: It’s okay to choose one issue that you know you’re passionate about and bring it up on the first or second date, as long as you are kind while you do it, and have no intention of arguing. Let the other person know you’re just trying to see if the two of you are compatible.

Otherwise, leave that political conversation for the second or third date and don’t argue or yell at anyone. If they disagree and you can’t see yourself with that person, be honest and be kind.

Julie: Why has dating a Trump supporter become such a hostile issue?

Celeste: Dating a Trump supporter can be an issue for people because he’s the culmination of a long trend toward polarization and division in politics. Whatever you may think of him, the evidence shows he is the most divisive president in US history.

He has taken some extreme stances on many issues and that means he’s upset and offended people. So, it’s common for people to say that they can’t date a Trump supporter, or will only date a Trump supporter. We think that knowing someone’s position on the president tells us more about them than it really does.

Julie: Why is politics a bigger deal-breaker than bad grammar?

Celeste: One of the surprises in this study is that more people are turned off by bad grammar than by bad sex. But the number of people who won’t date across party lines is larger still.

At this point, it’s very difficult to avoid talking about politics, as nearly every aspect of our lives has become political: what we eat, what music we listen to, what movies we watch. So, it’s important to talk about politics with your date, but be prepared to listen more than you talk and not try to change anyone’s mind.

Julie: How can you communicate in a healthy way with someone with different political beliefs.

Celeste: If your goal is to learn about the other person’s opinions, instead of talking about your own and arguing your position, you’ll be much more likely to have a healthy conversation. If they say something you find troubling, you can say, “I disagree with you, but I’m interested in learning why you believe that.” It’s difficult and sometimes scary to talk about politics with other people, so be kind and be welcoming.

Julie: How can liberals and conservatives co-exist in the dating world?

Celeste: Liberals and conservatives can date each other and be happy. The most common reasons for divorce are money, cheating, and a lack of together time, not politics. If you can learn to allow the other person to have their own thoughts and opinions, to discuss without arguing, to stop trying to change their mind or convince them they’re wrong, you will get along just fine.

What happens in government will not, in the long run, determine the success or failure of your relationship. If you create a party loyalty test for all of your dates, you may end up walking away from someone who is a perfect match for you in every other way.

On that note, has dating in Trump’s America affected your choice of daters, or caused tension in your relationship?

We’d like to hear from you with your stories. Contact us!.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the author up the upcoming book, Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships, and as a political dating expert she’s been coaching on how to singles navigate the challenging waters while dating in the Trump era.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram